today is a full moon

I always want to go out and howl this time in the lunar cysle, and often find myself having gone that extra step or two over the line, usually with video proof, ecause I always tell the peeps that they are exaggerating. Gotta love technology ;) But then I have a camera TOO>

Wish me luck - I have to get through an entire 3 day weekend in the rain. I know I'm drip dry but honestly ... what about the hair?

sugar

I simply want to reach out and gobble you up.

But I'm not allowed.

That sucks.

oh my!

Sometimes I should just shut my pie hole. Not everyone wants to hear the questions I have to ask, and in fact I seem most pressed to ask those who will react worst most. Got it? The content is details.

Shut up.Shut up.Shut up.Shut up.Shut up.Shut up.Shut up.Shut up.Shut up.

Just don't.

progress?

The ongoing saga:

I called mr. sunshine on Friday and he had plans to watch the hockey game so I made plans to go out and visit some friends I hadn't seen for a bit. It had been a crazy week at work and I'd mostly stayed in of an evening fighting with my insomnia. So when my nephew called and asked me to come down to the pub cause my friends were wondering where I was, away I went. After the pub we hit the gaslight and later the club, and I was home round 1:30. Saturday did some running around and kept it on the down low.

Sunday at 8:20 in the morning mr. sunshine calls. I missed it because I was in the basement doing laundry, so I called him back when I got upstairs. It was kind of strange and really very early to be calling on a sunday, especially mother's day, but whatever. We had a lovely chat about what had gone on during the week, caught up on what we'd been doing and Seth's ball game and the playoffs etc. I told him my plans for the day and he shared his. Regular stuff. He got interrupted with call irritating and then he called me back. We talked for a while longer and then rang off.

But why so early? On a sunday? Just seemed strange.

Mom's day

I miss my mom with all my heart. Sometimes I don't think about her for weeks on end I'm sure, and that's okay, she's been gone almost 18 years. But then there are those moments when I get a flash out of the corner of my eye and I am absolutely positive to the center of my being that she just turned a corner down the street.

And there I stand frozen, amid the rush of downtown pedestrians, lost in enough misery it's all I can do to stand there and not sob. An island of emptiness in the flow of everyday life. It fades, what seems like hours was only a minute or two, but damn.

And then there are the occasions like my grandotter's 10th birthday that I really wish she could have celebrated with us. She would have been so proud of the job Amanda is doing and loved Miss Devi to bits.

I was at the park yesterday watching some families of geese with the teeny newborn goslings all fluffy yellow and got a warm fuzzy thinking that mom would have been taking that picture too.

Mom, your image may not be in my brain any longer but your laughter will forever peal in my heart and your compassion is a constant reminder to live doing the least damage.

Love you always.

passive defiance

Thank you Ghandiji.

The persistence of flowing water will etch new rivers in the bedrock. The mindless unrelenting pressure of gravity births diamonds.

Here I stand.

listening

The meter of raindrops hitting pavement, air redolent with new grown grass.
Radiators in the last throws of k-chinking before their seasonal nap.
Creaks in moisture locked doors and squeaky winter locked windows.

Morning surprise,
a whitened world, crunchy underneath quickly melting slightly frozen water.

My sunshine is still missing.

contrariness

So we had a great long conversation today - much like all of our previous conversations even though we haven't spoken in a week. I haven't called because I don't really know if I should be, given the circumstances and trying to be diplomatic. Apparently he didn't call because he wasn't sure if he should be intruding in my life after our last convo even though he said he'd call.

So we're both thinking about each other and doing nothing about it.

Fucking ridiculous.

I think we've managed to sort that out anyway.

Chatting about the music he's listening to, a great reggae beat, he explains that it's all about the feeling and the lyric and what it means. It's not something to just pop along in your car to but something to really pay attention to. The singer is tellin' a woman he's always there for her - she's never alone, she can always call on him and the woman answers that she will always be fine because she knows she's never alone, cause he'll always be there on the other end of the line. Just lyrics?

Then we talked about trust and real friendship and politeness and treating people decently and not making judgements without knowing who the people are and giving them a chance to show that their inside doesn't always match the outside. Sure some people are whom they seem on first glance but most of us are so much more. So again we have pretty much the same opinion about how to treat people, with respect until they prove differently.

And then threads back to not having many real friends cause then you have to trust them, and most people aren't trustworthy. A point of contention. Maybe not most but I think that that is a healthy percentage of trustworthy folk out there - well most days.

And then a lot of other stuff about violence and boxing and hockey and back to music, and driving, and age, oh and some chain pulling, and gardens.