question of the day

Which is worse: food obsessions or sex obsessions?

To me they are both oral, aural, and olfactoral. They are interactive activities. They may or may not have some underlying meaning OR they could just be simple pleasurable.

I loved sex - great raunchy fucking each other against the door, on the stairs, in the elevator, the car, the park wherever, even a bed occasionally:) Great sucking smooshing slurping friction noises and the sweet salty tang of passion's sweat. The joy, the urge, that rampant need to get THERE - oh yes and THERE .... and the warm fuzzy cuddle or quick straightening of the accessories. Here there and everywhere, french lace lingerie under grey sweatpants and old rock tshirt, stockings and garters under jeans, and underwires and heels. Always.

I turned it off November 14, 2003. DDay - deadtotheworld day, notgoingthere day, damnhimtohell day, disgustedwithmyself day, don'twantotbeacougar day.

I had entered into a casual but monogamous relationship which when it was over 2 and half years later, left me for the first time in my life, with my dignity, wallet, and family intact. Can you believe it!

I was still dumped - on my freaking birthday, after I had just lost 30 pounds on Atkin's and was down to a size 18 - and for a woman 10 years my senior no less! Talk about knickers in a twist. Sure they had unrequited history from their 20s and 30s - neighbor couples who were best friends and had the hots for the OTHER spouse - but you just didn't act on that sort of thing back then. heavy sigh. Anf though he couldn't have picked a worse day, at least he was honest and didn't muck about first and tell me later, just explained that he thought he might still have "feelings" for her.

I have a "Do not share." policy, so in the end I gues I sort of made the decision to end it - that's just so fucked.

Either way, in a large blue funk and at the originations of my 65 day binge-o-rama my girlfriends dragged me to the Grey Cup tent - where I allowed myself to be picked up by this really hot guy - another story for later - only to discover in the am that he was 26. I'm glad he was older than my 24 year old daughter. It was fun, I had my night of desirable verification.

And then I turned it off. Done Day

The eating replaced it I think - well it had always been there - I enjoy cooking and eating as much as sex - but I think when I shut off the sex it kicked the food compulsion into high gear. I hurt my back in Jan 2004, hello Size 20 In 2005 lots of family problems and $$$ and I ate myself into size 22. Sort of maintained in 2006, but 2007 I wracked my knee at belly dance class - trying to shed some of the weight and ended up with my knee scoped in Jan 2008 - size 24. About 50 pounds a size.

But I don't want a "boyfriend". I don't want a "relationship". I think I just want someone who is casually monogamous to go out with maybe once every 2 weeks and have dinner, do a little dancing and then howl at the moon. Breakfast and Cya in the am.

In the meantime - it's shut your damn mouth - no you can't eat that - only this many calories and I'll work on subsuming the food compulsion. So far 31 pounds since Mid August. Should be down a size by Mid November.